Yorkshire to claim reparations from Lancashire for the War of the Roses.
The County of Yorkshire is to claim damages from its neighbour Lancashire for losses suffered during the War of the Roses in the fifteenth century.
Yorkshire spokesman Bill Bakewell explained the reasoning behind the controversial move
“Lancashire were clearly the aggressor in this conflict and we in Yorkshire now demand restorative justice. Much of the fighting took place in Yorkshire at Towton and Wakefield for example. Whilst this did give us home advantage it resulted in a level of destruction from which many towns and villages are still struggling to recover more than 5 centuries later.
In the interests of international peace we cannot have a system where the aggressor gets off scot free. We are suggesting a payment of £100 a month to be added to all Lancastrian council tax bills. The money can they be distributed by a deduction from all Yorkshire council tax bills. We’ve waited a very long 560 years for justice so I believe the payments should continue in perpetuity.
It’s a tough measure but if the Lancastrians wish to expunge their collective and ancestral guilt then this is what it will take.
We will exempt the goodfolk of Saddleworth from this claim as they were stolen from us by Lancastrian deception in 1972.”